of resolve and resolutions, day 1

[rosaw]

I received feedback on my dissertation abstract that was strong and right and true: I have a dense writing style that is too compact to lead to a published work. (I didn't say it didn't hurt a bit, because it did sting.) However, I recognize she's right, I need to work on the skills of writing -- clear, cogent writing with enough words to convey what's in my brain to people who don't have access to my brain. That brings me to my resolution to write in my lj for 30 minutes every day, just working on the practice of writing. So, it might be a bit dull here and I promise to use lj-cuts in order to keep from spamming your flists with loads of boring "rosa reflects" posts.


And that paragraph took six minutes. I think these are going to be long 30 minute intervals. I had originally thought that 60 minutes would be a good resolution but I realized that the thought of an hour of just writing was too daunting to contemplate. I used the timer to great effect in the last few months of pain and agony writing my dissertation. I find that the timer does give me a focus that I don't possess when it's just me and the computer. I have many hours of unstructured time that I usually spend bribing myself to do class prep and mostly I have been solidly committed to using that time wisely. But what with not even getting an interview at the Major Research University where I have been an adjunct and having 2 radically different classes, I have had a difficult time the past few weeks not just frittering my days away on shockwave games and fanfiction. (Not that those aren't both worthwhile activities, but I do need to be prepared so that I actually look like I know something about what I'm teaching and that means actually preparing for the class. Sigh.) Every day is a job roller-coaster and some days the anxiety of "I have no work after June 17" disables me and leaves me on the verge of despair. Most days I take a more positive attitude and recognize that all life is uncertainty. Mostly I am comfortable with the uncertainty. My two classes are very different and give me a kind of intellectual whiplash every week. One is a graduate school crash course in history of christianity that my adviser designed before she left for her new endowed chair up north. Seven weeks to cover the "important moments of contact" within the 2000 years of christianity is fuckin' overwhelmingly intimidating without the confrontational nature of new grad students. The other class has 310 undergrads who are meeting a general humanities requirement. Many of them seem to spend their time in class surfing the net, playing solitaire, and text messaging on their phones. (Yesterday I counted 5 different rings in the course of my 1 hour 20 minute lecture. I have a powerpoint slide displayed at the beginning of each class that says "Please silence your cell phones" and I wonder if they read the lecture slides as carefully as they read that particular slide -- which is to say, they don't seem to read it at all.) However, and to be fair, there are about 10 students who really love the class and stay after to chat with me. Usually they just want clarification on something I said but I need to give them their due, they make me feel like my life is not wasted, or at least that the portion of my life trying to convey excitement and interest in understanding religion as a cultural and social phenomena is not wasted.

I saw Brokeback Mountain last night. I cried buckets during the credits. I thought the film was lush and gorgeous and made me see and appreciate the scope of the natural beauty of the landscape. The location was as much a character in the film as either Jack or Ennis. I wish I had profound thoughts beyond "oooh pretty but very sad" and yet I really don't have much beyond that. The actors were outstanding. I think what really caught me off guard was Jack's tenderness toward Ennis. I wasn't expecting the gentleness and deep love that radiated from Jack's character. Ennis was so deeply conflicted it was painful for me to imagine what it could be like to be him. The actors were outstanding. (When I finish this I'm going to look for fannish stuff about the film -- I wish I had used the lj memories function to track those when everyone was all aflutter about this film.) I think it's the oscar winner for best picture this year, though I haven't seen Crash yet. (I have until Sunday and figure it's likely I will have seen it before the awards are announced. That way I can feel either outraged or validated depending on the outcome.) Good Night and Good Luck is my second choice for best picture, but who knows, from the buzz I've heard about Crash, I may change my mind completely by the time I've seen it.


And the timer has just announced that I have written for 30 minutes today. Hurray me, day one is a success!

Comments

[destina.livejournal.com]

When I finish this I'm going to look for fannish stuff about the film

I have a Brokeback Mountain tag on my lj; by clicking, you will see many posts wherein I have recs, links to discussions and meta, and meta/essays of my own about the film, plus other assorted stuff. It's here.

[rosawestphalen.livejournal.com]

Yay! Thank you. I missed you so much at the con. I am very excited to read the Brokeback posts and recs. Whee! Theirlovewassonaturallybeautiful!
{{{hugs}}}}}