life or lack thereof

[rosaw]

My life has been hectic and insane since just before Escapade. I feel as though I haven't stopped moving in about a month. I am exhausted and cranky and behind on everything. Plus, yesterday was National Walk-Out Day and I held classes anyway even though there was some serious faculty pressure to cancel classes if you don't support the war. And, because I (and others) didn't cancel our classes, there was some public name calling on the faculty list. And -- here's the totally juvenile part -- my feelings were hurt. It's so stupid, but people I respect and think of myself as allies with in regard to teaching strategies and philosophies were fairly open with their blanket condemnation of people who chose to hold their classes. To compound my feelings of inadequacy, last night at the advisory meeting at the advisor's house, I whined to my advisor and all my colleagues that my feelings were hurt. I feel like a 12 year old. Gah. It's like the KFKD thing without the writing component. Just an internal voice telling me all my decisions are wrong, from start to finish.

And now I'm whining again. Sheesh. I'm off to teach at the movie theater where every morning as I walk in a video game is playing the Imperial March from Star Wars, punctuated with Darth Vader's breathing. It's kind of funny and when I wear my long black coat I feel all powerful and evil. Heh heh.

Comments

[parlance.livejournal.com]

It's ironic that people can get so petty about serious issues. {{{Rosa}}}

[rosawestphalen.livejournal.com]

No kidding. It shows the level of conversation ("coward." "am not" "are too")that really should have been left behind.

[(Anonymous)]

Hey, good for you for making a decision and choosing for yourself, despite pressure from people whose opinions matter to you. It's only natural to feel hurt when those you respect disappoint you with their behavior. There are no easy decisions or answers we can choose about everything that's happening in the world and in our country right now -- the best we can do is to think carefully and thoroughly about each choice that we make and try to remember why we made those choices after the fact. Maybe not every choice or statement we make is going to be the "right" one, even in our own eyes, but it's important to stay true to what you feel, I think. It's inevitable that we won't agree with everyone we respect about every choice.

The choice to join a peace demonstration is not a simple one, IMO, even if you are in favor of peaceful resolution. I think you have to ask yourself what statements you are making, and to whom, and how you can best express the values that are most important to you. I've done a lot of marching/demonstrating in the past, for many issues, but have struggled with this one. I think it's important to express your opinion by making hard choices as you did yesterday, both because I think it's a way for us to manage our fear and because I think it's important to stand up and be counted for history's sake, even in small ways. However, though I would hope that American soldiers would never again bear the brunt of public feeling as they did in Vietnam, I can't feel confident that's the case. Hence, my struggle.

{{{{Rosa}}}} Just keep using your brain and making decisions that feel right to you. You rock.

Killa

[rosawestphalen.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetie.

I did think about the decision to demonstrate and who would be controlling and interpreting it. You are so right about thinking critically about participation in events and what is expressed by that participation. I do not support a war against Iraq. Yet my classes are very important to me (I certainly would sleep more if that weren't true). I try to deal specifically with religious and worldview issues that lead to conflicts such as the one we are currently in and I felt like the material I was covering in class was important. I didn't want to give it up and lose a day. Also, it was National Student Walk-Out day and I am not a student at that institution. I joked that I was giving them some one to "walk out" on.

Your support and thoughtfulness means a lot. ;-)

[merryish.livejournal.com]

:: hugs you ::

If I know anything, I know that you made your choice after a great deal of thought, for reasons you believed in. The only thing anyone should be condemned for at this point is not paying attention to the world and not thinking about what's going on in it before they make up their minds and act. I know that's not you; and you know that's not you.

Thoughtful choices made by thoughtful people deserve respect, even when those people disagree. Your faculty list isn't giving you that, but that's something that's wrong with them. Be disappointed in them, not yourself, okay?

:: hugs you again, just because :: Here, look at JC for a minute.

[rosawestphalen.livejournal.com]

::hugs you back::
(pretty JC -- I really like looking at him)

You're right and I didn't think about being disappointed in that particular person until you said something. I am disappointed, too. It wasn't very respectful to post meanness publicly, especially since I think there are many reasons to hold class regardless of one's perspective on peace (which, all I'm saying is we should give it a chance).

You're a gem. :-)