life or lack thereof

[rosaw]

My life has been hectic and insane since just before Escapade. I feel as though I haven't stopped moving in about a month. I am exhausted and cranky and behind on everything. Plus, yesterday was National Walk-Out Day and I held classes anyway even though there was some serious faculty pressure to cancel classes if you don't support the war. And, because I (and others) didn't cancel our classes, there was some public name calling on the faculty list. And -- here's the totally juvenile part -- my feelings were hurt. It's so stupid, but people I respect and think of myself as allies with in regard to teaching strategies and philosophies were fairly open with their blanket condemnation of people who chose to hold their classes. To compound my feelings of inadequacy, last night at the advisory meeting at the advisor's house, I whined to my advisor and all my colleagues that my feelings were hurt. I feel like a 12 year old. Gah. It's like the KFKD thing without the writing component. Just an internal voice telling me all my decisions are wrong, from start to finish.

And now I'm whining again. Sheesh. I'm off to teach at the movie theater where every morning as I walk in a video game is playing the Imperial March from Star Wars, punctuated with Darth Vader's breathing. It's kind of funny and when I wear my long black coat I feel all powerful and evil. Heh heh.

Comments

[merryish.livejournal.com]

:: hugs you ::

If I know anything, I know that you made your choice after a great deal of thought, for reasons you believed in. The only thing anyone should be condemned for at this point is not paying attention to the world and not thinking about what's going on in it before they make up their minds and act. I know that's not you; and you know that's not you.

Thoughtful choices made by thoughtful people deserve respect, even when those people disagree. Your faculty list isn't giving you that, but that's something that's wrong with them. Be disappointed in them, not yourself, okay?

:: hugs you again, just because :: Here, look at JC for a minute.

[rosawestphalen.livejournal.com]

::hugs you back::
(pretty JC -- I really like looking at him)

You're right and I didn't think about being disappointed in that particular person until you said something. I am disappointed, too. It wasn't very respectful to post meanness publicly, especially since I think there are many reasons to hold class regardless of one's perspective on peace (which, all I'm saying is we should give it a chance).

You're a gem. :-)