I'm not broke but you can see the cracks

My life has been hectic and insane since just before Escapade. I feel as though I haven't stopped moving in about a month. I am exhausted and cranky and behind on everything. Plus, yesterday was National Walk-Out Day and I held classes anyway even though there was some serious faculty pressure to cancel classes if you don't support the war. And, because I (and others) didn't cancel our classes, there was some public name calling on the faculty list. And -- here's the totally juvenile part -- my feelings were hurt. It's so stupid, but people I respect and think of myself as allies with in regard to teaching strategies and philosophies were fairly open with their blanket condemnation of people who chose to hold their classes. To compound my feelings of inadequacy, last night at the advisory meeting at the advisor's house, I whined to my advisor and all my colleagues that my feelings were hurt. I feel like a 12 year old. Gah. It's like the KFKD thing without the writing component. Just an internal voice telling me all my decisions are wrong, from start to finish.

And now I'm whining again. Sheesh. I'm off to teach at the movie theater where every morning as I walk in a video game is playing the Imperial March from Star Wars, punctuated with Darth Vader's breathing. It's kind of funny and when I wear my long black coat I feel all powerful and evil. Heh heh.

This really fascinated me, I have loved reading all the people contributing to this meme. I have that 100 things about me list that I've been working on for about 3 weeks. I'm on number 18. Which is kinda pathetic. Especially since tzikeh has two lists of 100. Her energy and spirit amaze me, I wish I could borrow some. I loved reading people's 100 things but when faced with the blank word doc, just couldn't think of anything to put on that dreaded list. Pathetic, eh?

This, however, is a different story (ha ha -- I'm a dork). This was really fun. I had to look all over my apartment for well-worn, well-loved novels and, while I'm a little dusty and digusted with the state of my bookshelves, I have a list.

10. There were five of us -- Carruthers and the new recruit and myself, and Mr. Spivens and the verger. To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis

9. Certain people in Ilmorog, our Ilmorog, told me that this story was too disgraceful, too shameful, that it should be concealed in the depths of everlasting darkness. Devil on the Cross by Ngugi Wa Thiong'o (sometimes also James Ngugi)

8. This is the story of a real woman. Woman at Point Zero by Nawal El Saadawi

7. Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov was the third son of Fyodor Pavlovitch Karamazov, a landowner well known in our district in his own day, and still remembered among us owing to his gloomy and tragic death, which happened thirteen years ago, and which I shall describe in its proper place. The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky

6. I am a botanist. In the Garden of Iden by Kage Baker

5. It was a nice day. Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

4. On the first Monday of April 1625, the market town of Meung, the birthplace of the author of Roman de la Rose, was in a wild state of excitement. The Three Musketeers by Alexander Dumas

3. Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

2. There was a wall. The Dispossessed by Ursula Le Guin

1. I was fifteen years old when I first met Sherlock Holmes, fifteen years old with my nose in a book as I walked the Sussex Downs, and nearly stepped on him. The Beekeeper's Apprentice by Laurie King

This was really fun, I can't wait to read more people's lists tomorrow.

PS Killa, if you're out there, you really made my day today. Thank you!

I enjoyed tonight's Buffy, despite all the anxiety that show has been causing me lately. Best laugh out loud line of the month "I hate my free will" (how many times have I thought that). Plus, great insight and thoughtful sniffy-ness from Xander toward Dawn. What a terrific guy he is. Rock solid and sweet as chocolate.