I'm not broke but you can see the cracks

Last night Eddie Izzard performed at the Wiltern and I was there! It was cool -- the Wiltern is a great venue. And Eddie was pretty damned funny, as usual. But he didn't love this audience. Which was really tragic because that was the audience I happened to be in. There was much "ow!" yelling from a section in the front -- very loud and distracting when he was talking. And he hated it. He tried to joke people in to stopping ("ow sounds like you're getting bitten by tigers") and then tried more threatening jokes about it ("ow. Those tigers are making me think I need an assault rifle") before he finally just seemed put out by how rude the audience was. I was pretty sad and very embarrassed about the whole thing, though honestly I didn't make a single inappropriate sound (I feel like I should send him a fan apology letter "It wasn't me, I swear, please come back to LA"). "Ow" is not in my audience noise vocabulary, I'm much more of a "whoo" girl and after he asked people to knock it off, I only clapped at appropriate points. Which is not to say that it wasn't fun, but the audience's bad manners did put a bit of a cramp in the evening for him and, since this really is about me, for me, too. Maybe especially for me, since he will be funny other places, other places with more polite audiences.

It was nice to have Dressed to Kill to watch today. I hope there will be a dvd of Sexie, because parts of it were laugh-until-you-can't-breathe funny. He didn't have much to say about Shrub (sadly) or the Fab 5 has sherrold reported here. However, even without presidential jokes he was fabulous, darilings, just fabulous.

I'd see him again, though maybe not in LA.

Yesterday was the first day of classes. I loathe the first day of classes. I can never sleep the night before so I'm exhausted and I get so stressed out about the semester. I'm not much of a future planner, I doubt that tomorrow will come, let alone December, so the syllabus is a big challenge for me. And I'm a little afraid of my students. Then after the first day, they become my students -- all wonderful and fantastic and I'm not afraid anymore.

It's possible that I'm more than a little crazy.

And now it's back to the dissertation.
gacked from lanning
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Imagine my happiness.

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Today my partner and I are leaving on vacation. We're going to the Yucatan. It's going to be quite an adventure.
For general stuff about how cool the Yucatan is, there's this great site Yucatan Today.
We're going to Chichen Itza for a couple of days Chichen Itza and staying at the Piramide Inn Hotel Piramide.
Then a couple of days driving around the Puuc Route, staying at the historical hotel in the area Hotel Hacienda.
And then back to Merida for the last night Hotel MedioMundo before coming home Saturday, August 2.

It's going to be a grand adventure.

My life is moving so fast, I can barely breathe. I have 3,000 things to do before 1:30 and this is what I did instead. From resonant8.
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Well, despite vibrating with anxiety yesterday, the meeting went as well as could be expected. My dissertation topic has shifted -- again -- and I have a "new" focus. I need to write yet another proposal (this is what I have become quite good at -- it's all I ever write) and submit it to the committee sometime within the next two weeks. The committee was actually very helpful, though, despite my feeling that writing another proposal is a set-back (I've stopped naming the various versions with a number after the title because that's just too discouraging). My adviser and I were locked in the same cycle of unmet expectations and unshared pre-suppositions but the balance of the other two people facilitated some better communication and I do feel like the adviser and I have reached a compromise about where the dissertation is going. This I owe to my other committee members. I'm thinking that the Harry and David year of great fruit might be in order. Maybe after I get to write something besides another proposal.

I really enjoy these kinds of memes. And so, better late than never, here is my song list.

Name one song you hate to admit you like.
I Want You Back by nsync (I know, it pains me to admit this, I am seriously ashamed)

Name two songs that always make you cry.
Landslide by Stevie Nicks (and/or Fleetwood Mac)
Late for the Sky by Jackson Browne

Name three songs that turn you on.
I Shall Believe by Sheryl Crow
Steamroller by James Taylor
Freedom by George Michael

Name four songs that always make you feel good.
Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell (and only Joni Mitchell)
I Will by The Beatles
Cheek to Cheek by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
Diggin Your Scene by Smashmouth

Name five songs you couldn't ever do without.
You Get What You Give by the New Radicals
In The Mood by Glenn Miller Band and/or Brian Setzer Orchestra
Kodachrome by Paul Simon
Waiting For the Great Leap Forward by Billy Bragg
Dear God XTC

Driving home tonight I was thinking about the sparkly boys and their music. Which is a fun thing, like those boys are the M&Ms of my musical world. Not great chocolate but cheap, fun to eat, and readily available. And then I started thinking about bands I love and the chocolate metaphor -- like U2, who are the surprise chocolate truffle box of the musical world. You know, the box of delightful candies you lost the guide to and so each bite (each new CD) is a mystery. Some bites may be more pleasant than others but all are very scrumptious chocolate. And then there was this collision of the sparkly song ( it's tearing up my heart when I'm with you, when we are apart I feel it too and no matter what I do I always feel the pain, with or without you) and a U2 song. Right there. On the 210 freeway, going about 80 mph, my brain starting singing With or Without You over the sparkly song. And I thought I was going to die. I looked around the car guiltily, even though I was alone. Surely the music gods would not let such a thought go unpunished.

And yet. Here I am. Telling all you all about my musical indiscretions. Tempting those damned gods to come down from the clef and beat me with their staff (ha! more stupid music humor).

If it's any consolation, I scare myself. And no matter what I do, I feel the fear, with or without soundtrack. Perhaps it's time to go back to NPR in the car for a while.

Spring break is over. Next week I return to the hectic, 5-days/week teaching schedule that is the work-ethic du jour. What haven't I done this break? Just everything I set out to accomplish. Let's see:
*still behind on BtVS (2 weeks)
*still behind on SFU
*still behind on reading for classes and dissertation
*no writing on dissertation
*no updated rec pages
*no bath for my poor little bug car. It's filthy. She's going to go on strike. I'm sure all the other cars feel sorry for her because she has such a slothful owner.

I don't even feel like I got enough sleep over this break and generally I consider sleep sacred during holidays. I think my lack of sleep this break is because I am still wrestling with some serious-ass depression and this too is a change. Normally, when I'm depressed, I just sleep. But this is a new shade of blue for me. My SO's mom is visiting for a week (she arrived yesterday) and it just highlights the permanent absence of my mom. I should read a book on grieving so I can stop being blindsided by so many emotional tidal waves.

Ok, ok. I working on some happier stuff here. I'm reading The Transmigration of Timothy Archer by Philip K. Dick. Wow. In this book, he's got a really detailed grasp of catholic theology combined with an interest in early xnty. It's a fascinating and amazing read, with surprises every page turn. People have talked him up for years but I've never been particularly interested. I have some catching up to. I can't decide if it would be cruel to use my First Year Writing Seminar next year as an All-PKD-All-The-Time seminar. It might make their heads hurt too much. My favorite student from the first FYWS I taught loved The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch and that book really sucked him into scifi genre reading. He made teaching that class a total delight and we still get together to talk about books he's reading. He's a math major who has won about 15 swing dancing competitions. He's amazing. Anyway, I've been reading the PKD before bed in order to break up the Discworld series, which was blurring into one continuous, surreal ride as opposed to discreet book sized stories. I loved Equal Rites. Maybe that should go in the FYWS reading list. I'd love to hear about other people's fave scifi and/or fantasy book suggestions.

I'm off to play this afternoon with my SO and his visiting family unit. It is a spectacularly beautiful 80 degree day here in lala land. Might as well carpe diem.

but seriously, I wished I was for a little while last week, a week straight from the deep pits of hell. I tried to follow merryish's example and make a list of good things happening in my life, but it took too much energy. Which brought me back to why I was so cranky in the first place. Ah, the vicious circle of life.

It is now Spring Break. And while I spent the first weekend at a professional conference and am now grading madly, after today I will have some actual days off. I have to work of course (next quarter's syllabus, book orders for summer and the ever present, never diminishing dissertation) but I get to sleep in and possibly see a movie. That feels like more leisure time than I've had since January. Glorious days of damned little (except the dissertation). Sigh of happiness (but always with the specter of the dissertation).

Mostly though, this is a GIP. I think I've finally figured out how to make the image 100x100 pixels. Plus, it was just the muslim new year so it's time for yet again more new years resolutions (I feel one should take advantage of as many opportunities for a new start as one can, especially when I feel as bad about everything as I do). I resolve to write more in my journal, to write on my dissertation and to work on the story idea I have for the fandom of sparkly dancing hobos.

We'll see how that goes.